


The quiet after the storm

by Mufffy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Crying, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Gay, Hugs, Hurricanes, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Suicide, John Sings, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Singing, Sleepy Kisses, Song Lyrics, Storms, i wrote this in one day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 22:11:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13153062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mufffy/pseuds/Mufffy
Summary: John flinched before throwing the blankets off of him and sat up to hug Alex, pulling him close to his chest "Sh- Sh Sh.. It's okay" John's whispering helped momentarily before Alex broke down again. John only had to deal with this one time before when Alex remembered the hurricane. That was years ago- Not to mention before they got together. "Hey, I'm here- I'm right here, I'm not gonna hurt you" He whispered, holding Alex's large figure close to his chest. It didn't work as well when Alex wanted to hold John, but John was trying. He ran his fingers through Alex's loose hair, brushing the bangs out of his face. "I'm here. With you.." He lastly said. It didn't help, that's exactly what scared Alex. John was here. He couldn't be here, he'd die if he were here. He had to get John out, had to leave and had to come back in a week or so when the storm was gone. He couldn't risk John being here.





	The quiet after the storm

**Author's Note:**

> Amazing song called "Wander's Lullaby" ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70VlAyEUXYM  
> The song used in the fic, I love it

_It wasn't real. It couldn't be real- Alex knew it wasn't happening. Imagines spiraled around in his head causing the biggest migraine of his life. He was asleep in bed. He had to be, he went to bed with John last night. Asleep, John at his side. Curled up against Alex's side, snoring, light and soft like Alex liked it. John was sleeping in his arms. So how was he back on the island? He couldn't be on the island. His head pounded with the wind blowing against him. His shirt and hair flapping in a mess of the wind._

_H_ _e looked around, unable to see most things. He saw the house he had lived in, destroyed and crushed. Other buildings near him were either destroyed or half destroyed. Most ready to cave in on themselves. He flinched, looking to his side as one collapsed. He shivered, hearing the scream of a child. Then silence, but for the wind whistling in his ear and his heavy breathe. He looked around rapidly for light. It all had to be okay. The sun was peeking out. It was quiet._

_Quiet to the point he could hear children laughing, chasing each other around. Families sitting on the steps of houses as they watched their children, Wedding bells going off and chatter congratulating the couple. New born babies crying. He could people's smiles. Physically hear smiles. It was quiet.. for just a moment. Every one was happy and smiling. It was all over. They'd won the war._

_All the times Alex nearly drowned didn't mean anything anymore. He'd won. The times the door would burst open and he'd have a panic attack didn't mean anything anymore. He'd won. How he'd cry and curl up into himself didn't mean anything anymore. He'd won. He won the battle, claiming his victory. His life. He got to live unlike so few. He was alive. And everything was okay. For just a moment. People around him smiled. People were alive and crawling from the rubble, others helping others and helping hands._

_Everyone was okay. They were alive and smiling and it was all Alex had ever asked for. Before the storm people weren't so nice, and now everyone was smiling and helping each other. It was over. They'd won. He smiled. Everything was over with.. He could live his life again. Leave back to New York. Back to his bed where John was waiting, keeping his bed warm. He could go back to John. John. It was all he could think of now. How John could be happy and alive with him. The sudden giggle from his companion made him turn around to see John. Smiling and waving. His curls put into a tight ponytail. Alex smiled, the sides of his face beginning to hurt._

_"John.." He whispered, watching as John started running towards him. Alex laughed as well, opening his arms for his lover, waiting for the sweet embrace he'd been longing for. It didn't make sense. Why was John here? John on the island. John was his best friend. Everything suddenly being washed away with happiness and smiles. It felt nice. To see John running towards him, John's watery eyes and huge smile. Alex laughed lightly, tearing up happily himself. It was perfect._

_Until pure fear washed over Alex as the sky grew dark. The quiet was gone. John was still smiling, running with open arms to Alex. Alex couldn't find the strength to smile. Everything he ever loved was washed away. The yellow sky was gone and replaced with a darkness he couldn't see through. It slowly cleared up, showing his surroundings. The familiar surroundings he'd seen just moments before were thrashed and beaten. The people around him screaming and dead in seconds. He looked ahead of him to see John. He stopped running. Alex felt his heart stop. He put his arms down, curling in on himself before running to where John was laying down._

_He nearly fell completely next to him while trying to sit on his knees. He looked down at his best friend and felt his whole body rack with shaking shoulders, tears falling rapidly, hands scratching at his arms. He wanted to scream, wanted to hug John for the last time and feel him close to himself. Wrapped up in his arms, John felt small. He was always smaller then Alex but he never realized how small he felt until he was holding his dead body. He couldn't believe it. His best friend had just died. His boyfriend. The only person who truly cared for him. The one person he didn't want to loose the most. He couldn't loose John. He just couldn't. Not yet. It was too soon. It didn't even make sense. John had to be back in New York. He just had to be. Alex looked up at the sky, the sliver of yellow in his life vanishing away before everything he came to love turned black, John's body growing cold._

__________________________________________________________

Alex woke with a near blood curdling scream as he shot up in bed, hand over his heart. It was beating rapidly against his hand in the few seconds he'd been awake. He wiped his forehead, wiping the cold sweat from his face  before calming himself down. It was just a dream. One horrible dream that he never wanted to see again. His whole body shook with the tears pouring out. He hadn't realized it until a light touch came to his shoulder making him flinch, the hand flinching away too. He looked over with teary eyes to see John. His whole face spread with worry and terror. He looked so small in one of Alex's over sized shirts. In a failed attempt of comfort he broke down into tears at the sight of John. He couldn't do anything but stare and sob.

John flinched before throwing the blankets off of him and sat up to hug Alex, pulling him close to his chest "Sh- Sh Sh.. It's okay" John's whispering helped momentarily before Alex broke down again. John only had to deal with this one time before when Alex remembered the hurricane. That was years ago- Not to mention before they got together. "Hey, I'm here- I'm right here, I'm not gonna hurt you" He whispered, holding Alex's large figure close to his chest. It didn't work as well when Alex wanted to hold John, but John was trying. He ran his fingers through Alex's loose hair, brushing the bangs out of his face. "I'm here. With you.." He lastly said. It didn't help, that's exactly what scared Alex. John was here. He couldn't be here, he'd die if he were here. He had to get John out, had to leave and had to come back in a week or so when the storm was gone. He couldn't risk John being here.

"N-No- John Y-You can'tbehere- You h-have to go- Youhavetogonow- Now now now- Y-You can'tfuckingstayhere, John we gotta go- Now!" Alex panicked, hyperventilating in John's arms. His arms felt so small where Alex was holding his biceps. Alex couldn't risk it. He needed to leave and get John out and to maybe never come back "M-Maybe we never come back- Thestormwoulddestroyeverything- Everything i love and you- You- You- SomethingIcan'tloose, John please leave!" Alex was practically shouting in John's face. He was shaking and gripping John's arms so hard he knew he was going to leave a bruise but just couldn't let go.

"A-Alex.." John sounded scared. his hands and bare legs were shaking. Maybe from the cold, sleeping in shorts but most defiantly from Alex. He understand what Alex meant. Alex didn't like the storms that came with New York. Alex had to calm down. If not for his own health then for John. John was the more sensitive of the two anyways. Alex took a shaky breathe, scaring John a little "..Alex?" He sounded as if he were being choked before Alex remembered his grip, letting go of John's arms. There were red marks for a moment and Alex could could do was stare. John reached up for Alex's face, pulling him in for a light kiss that just made Alex feel guilty "I'm alright" He reassured, pulling Alex against his chest again "..How are you feeling?"

Alex waited a few seconds. Waited for John to comb his fingers through Alex's hair and for John to start humming a little before answering. "..C-Can you sing that one song i like..?" Alex whispered, his fingers tangling themselves in John's (Alex's) shirt, picking at the bottom hem. John had to think for a second before gasping and starting to lightly hum a different tune before starting to whisper again.

_"Wandering Child of the Earth_

_Do you know just how much you are worth?_

_You have walked this path since your birth_

_You were destined for more"_

Alex took a deep breathe of John's chest drawing in his scent. He smelled like lavenders and rain. Fresh rain, not heavy rain but light dew or a mist. It was nice for the most part. It almost smelled like he'd been caught in the rain for too long. Alex took a large breathe and slowly let it out, tightening his grip around John. He knew it hurt by John's small whimper but John just hugged him tighter as well, laying his chin on Alex's head.

_"There are those who'll tell you you're wrong_

_They will try to silence your song_

_But right here is where you belong_

_So don't search anymore_

_You are the dawn of a new day that's waking_

_A master piece still in the making_

_The blue in an ocean of grey_

_You are right where you need to be_

_Poised to inspire and to succeed_

_You'll look back and you'll realize one day"_

John stopped to kiss Alex's forehead, pulling his face away to look at him in the eyes. Alex couldn't help but feel guilty for loving John's tired eyes. Alex frowned knowing he woke John up. But he loved seeing John's eyes, which all in together made him feel more guilty. "I love you" He whispered before yawning, Alex's heart beating loudly. he was tired. He needed to let John sleep and get some sleep himself.

"I-i love you too.." He didn't mean for his voice to be so quiet and scared but it was. John smiled and hugged Alex again, rocking back and forth lightly on the bed and mumbling the rest of the lyrics sleepily into Alex's ear.

_"In your eyes there is doubt_

_As you try to figure it out_

_But that's not what life is about_

_So have faith there's a way"_

Alex laughed at how more drunk John sounded than tired. He was content with John, being able to hold him close again. To see John's sleepy smile one more day. To be nuzzled up into John's neck like he was, his ear pressed up close to John's chest. For a second he panicked, unable to hear his heart beat before it softly came through. It was light and barely noticeable but Alex loved listening to it. It was quiet, for just a moment. John's chest slowly rose and fell to his swaying, Alex still in his arms. John was cold, his legs practically freezing in his small shorts. Alex never understood why John liked wearing shorts to bed, but he did, even in winter he somehow would wear shorts to bed. No wonder he always fell asleep close to Alex, of fucking course he was cold in those damn shorts.

John's slight mumbled stirred Alex from his thoughts. He looked up enough to see John's light red face, only then realizing his hand was squeezing John's thigh to the rhythm of his chest moving. He blushed himself, resting his hand now on John's thigh. He smiled a little before chuckling. It seemed so domestic. Like the eye of the storm where everything was happy and calm. Alex took a breathe, clearing his head. John must've noticed, his hand tangling itself in Alex's long hair "...You need a hair cute" John mumbled flatly. They both stayed quiet, Alex being the first to laugh, then John giggling along with him.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Alex smiled, sitting up, his hand still pressed to John's thigh. He'd never touched John without his permission or John initiating it like how he'd drag Alex's hands to his cheeks or taking Alex's hand to play with like now. John no longer had his hands in Alex's hair as much as he loved it. They were in front of his chest. One hand, John playing with, the other on John's thigh, his thumb only moving every once in a while.

John shrugged, putting his hand up to Alex, Alex's hand being a few centimeters bigger. "I just meant it was getting long" he mumbled, intertwining their fingers. John smiled, lightly squeezing his hand against Alex's larger one. "I didn't mean it- I was just joking, Sort of- Probably I.. Never mind" He sighed in defeat of his own words. Alex knew he was tired, guilt prickling around in his chest as he thought about how he woke John up with a scare. He looked terrified and traumatized as if he were scared to even be near Alex. Alex took another deep breathe to clear his head, looking at John to see his head lightly bobbing. He smiled at this, opening his mouth right before a clash of lighting struck hard. Alex's whole body shook, his hand gripping John's instinctively flinched away, the other squeezing his thigh tighter.

Before Alex could let out a sob, John already was hugging him tighter, whispering reassurance into his ear as he held him close, running his fingers slowly through Alex's hair, kissing his temple every few seconds, pulling Alex closer against his chest to bury him in his hug. John's whispering doing nothing as he began to sing again.

_"Though the world may try to define you_

_It can't take the light that's inside you_

_so don't you dare try to hide_

_let your fears fade away"_

As hard as Alex could try, he couldn't steady his breathing. The lightning and thunder outside were getting worse and he couldn't help but to think worse could happen. Everything thought suddenly dawned upon him, they were just in the middle of the hurricane and it was only just getting worse. The building would collapse, John would die, he'd be stuck alive and well and unable to die. He never seemed to die. He couldn't drown in the hurricane, he couldn't die of sickness, the thought of suicide was too much for him. He couldn't die. John could though. John was nearly shot at before, he got into fights. Gun fights, he could've died but luckily he didn't. Alex's breathing never evened out. He wanted to scream to get it out. He couldn't keep crying like this. Although the tears racked his whole body he couldn't move away from John. His only comfort in the storm.

" _You are the-"_

"John- Listen to me" Alex was breathless and gripping the back of John's shirt tightly "You have to leave.. Now- You need to get out of here, it's a hurricane and you're going to die- You need to leave- i cant' loose the only person in this world i love" He finished, breathless and shaken up. John washed as Alex helplessly tried to gain his breathe back. John frowned and brought his hands up to Alex's ears to cover some of the sound "John.. I love you but covering my ears aren't going to make the storm go away- It's going to-"

"Shhhh.." John interrupted him, kissing him lightly, trying his best to block out the sound "Alex. I love you. Alright, I love you. And i know this is scary for you-"

"It's so scary John- That's why you have to leave-"

"Shhh" John smiled. He looked directly into Alex's eyes and smiled. If the lighting hadn't struck right then he might've forgotten about the storm. Alex's hand squeezed John's thigh as he talked. "I know it's scary" He paused, watching Alex swallow down his interruption "But it's a storm. Not a hurricane, I trust you and i believe you but right now.. It's only a  _storm"_ John reassured him, kissing his forehead softly "I'm fine, You're fine.. It's only a little bit of rain. And we'll be fine." John smiled and Alex swallowed down his thoughts, trying to clear his head. It's only a storm. It's not a hurricane.

" _You are the dawn of a new day that's waking_

_A master piece still in the making"_ John stroked his hand through Alex' hair at that line. Alex smiled at John's representation 

_"The blue in an ocean of grey_

_You are right where you need to be"_ John kissed Alex's head, giggling to himself. Alex found it adorable.

_"Poised to inspire and to succeed_

_You'll look back and realize one day_

_You are the dawn oh a new day.. that's..waking"_

John's line was cut off by a small yawn. Alex suddenly remembered John was singing and being lulled to sleep. Alex smiled and sat up, only slightly shaking now. He opened his arms for John, waving him "Come on, You're tired and need to sleep"

John only stared for a second, obviously trying to fight off sleep before mumbling "Are you sure you're gonna be okay..?" John whispered before slowly crawling to him, laying down with Alex

"I'll be fine. You need your sleep" Alex smiled, running his hands through John's ponytail curls "I did wake you up.." he mumbled, laying his hand on the small oh John's neck

"S' fine" John mumbled sleepily before mumbling the rest of his song into Alex's chest

" _A master piece still in the making_

_The blue in an ocean of grey_

_You are right where you need to be_

_Poised and inspired and to succeed_

_..Soon you'll finally find your own way"_

Alex smiled as he finally heard John's lightly snoring. it was soft and gentle like how Alex liked it. His breathing was even and tired sounding, his breathes in and out longer. Alex messed with John's small pony tail a little more before curling around John, John instantly curling back up to him, slinging his leg over Alex's hip. Alex silently laughed to himself. He'd never done that before, but he guessed he could get used to it, wrapping his leg around John's to pull him closer. John mumbled non sense into his sleep and Alex smiled. It was so domestic and calm. It was quiet. Not the eye of the hurricane. Just the end of it.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's 12:24 AM of the 26th,, Merry late Christmas, and/or respected holiday


End file.
